my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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