I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
