Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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