I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
