dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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