Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
