my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
