Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
