so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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