my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
