shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
His nipple licking is glorious
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