Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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