the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
