Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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