I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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