You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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