New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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