I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
