I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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