Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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