My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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