Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
