They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
