you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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