so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Everclear isn't food dammit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize