I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
