You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
