actually, I'm a sock model
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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