im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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