Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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