His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
