i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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