If that was your dad, he is hot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
