Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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