i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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