If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she told me i tasted like america
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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