she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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