what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
