I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
