after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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