dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
