It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
