Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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