She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
