just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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