i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
