dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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