Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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