i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
