he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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