whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
