There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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