Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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