I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
