Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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