Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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