An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
