What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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