i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
