just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
