Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
