Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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