The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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