i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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