Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
