Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Congratulations! We have a period
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