are you still at the devil's house?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
