It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
