ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
